Today: I cried

I cried today a little bit.  Just a little. I will miss my friend.  It took me about two weeks to finally catch up or muster up the courage to meet him, now he is leaving for Texas.  Ride em' cowboy!!

Ponderings

How come yellow candy taste like yellow, red taste like red, green taste like green, and orange doesn’t taste that orange? And what do colors taste like anyway?  Who took grand liberties to flavor colors? 

I wonder how the big, big woman in my office with the wobble, wobble walk makes love to her husband?  Does she ever get on top and ride him like a tsunami coming in to wash out an entire village? When her love gushes out does her husband get wet?

Why do people seem to think the world solely revolves around them?  Stop making your issues my problem!  We all have problems.  Please file a complaint at I don’t give a rat's pooh, and then call 1-800-waa-waah, and finally email whocares@notme.com

Why do men who are going bald try to hide there baldness with the dreaded side comb-over or even worse comb the hair from the back of their head to the front?  Liberate and shave it off.  VIVA Le Bald!

Buh-t, but-t, buh-t ebeywey

It’s funny how the assimilation of American culture can reach those of the most native tongues.  I used to think I could escape it by surrounding myself with people from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds,hoping that the poison wouldn’t spread so fast.  However, this morning proved the poison is spreading like a new virus hell bent on mass destruction.  From the metro I have to walk about three blocks to my job.  This particular day I was looking snazzy in my nice fitted pencil skirt, blouse, and not too high heels.  I was neatly packaged. 

A quarter of the way into my walk, I heard loud bass bumping slowly escorting me down the sidewalk.  All of a sudden a car pulls up beside me three deep with brothers from some part of the horn of Africa.  One sticks his head out and starts saying real fast, “Buh-t, buh-t, buh-t, buh-t ebeyweh.” I’m thinking to myself what the hell is he saying.  His garbled English reminded me of my two year old cousin who learns a new word and drives everyone crazy repeating it a million times.  Then over his heavy accent utterance I make out the lyrics:

booty booty booty booty rock`n everywhere (3x)
rock`n everywhere (2x)

(Bubba Sparxxx)
i found you Ms New Booty
get it together and bring it back to me
hit the players club for about month or 2
put a tan on it then see what it do (2x)

Now normally I would have been ticked off and gave them the finger.  Yet, this poor man was struggling trying to get the words out.  His head was moving up and down like a dashboard bobble ornament.  My ticked off disbelief turned into outward laughter.  What a way to make my day.  I never thought of myself as new booty.  

Connection

It was unexpected, the meeting of two bodies.

Timidly, we touched briefly for a moment. 

Two strangers getting to know each other.

Then we kissed.  The connection felt familiar and comfortable.  For those few moments into that one hour it seemed like we knew each forever.  I felt comfortable in my skin and his spirit gave to no judgment.  In that space I put all my insecurities of the shelf and allowed myself to fall into him.  I felt safe and comforted.  No need to force things to be more or less than what was experienced, but just easing in the fluid of what was felt. 

Poem for myself

Toil withered contrite sadness

buried deeply in my soul.

Comfort only found in the pain

I don't want to be alone.

Me: Part One

I always had been a big quiet girl. Well not that big but I took up space.  My breast, hips, and thighs boasted of a young woman in her late teens early twenties, but I was just a child of 11.  My mother who prided herself in raising me single-handily had the hard job of protecting her baby girl from predators.  She was the mother eagle who glided above me, far enough for me to gain my independence but close enough to swoop down and sink her talons into predators.

Sometimes I was angry of her eagle like stealth.  Not old enough to understand, I felt like her way of raising me hinder my being.  The bond between us was so strong.  When I hurt she became angry and changed into something I couldn't stand seeing.  At times that anger was spilled over to me and her tears were fierce and quick.  I learned at an early age how to go inside of myself and never tell about anyone who hurt me.
 

Get up girl

Yesterday the earth moved. 
I think she's angry. 
I know for a fact she is angry and highly pissed off. 
Or maybe shaking was her way of getting my attention. 
She shook me right out of my seat and to my feet. 
I stood waiting and listening. 
She didn't say a word.
She just shook with such anger and attentiveness. 
"Get up girl"she bellowed. 
MOVE!

Moon

Jesus walked on water and all I wanted to do was float in the cosmos.
Maybe tonight I will drift from cloud to cloud.
Maybe this is the night when I will see what I need to see.
My dreams have a way of making me cry in my sleep.
I would always float to these peaceful places.
I wonder what color the moon will be tonight.

Characters

I'm normally a very good at acknowledging someone's character and accepting them for who they are in their space.  However, when their character negatively impacts my space it leaves a horrible taste in my mouth and the wall in immediately thrown up.  I don't like having others negativity encroach upon me especially when their impairments create a negative experiences; and I certainly don't like it when the person is old enough to be a parent.  I don't babysit my mother then what in the hell makes them think I"m going to babysit them. I don't have an issue looking out for anyone, but when their shit is so sloppy it makes for a bad experience, walls are thrown up, and boundaries which will be established.  And sometimes the relationship that was had will never be the same.

Creativity

Okay quick updates:

MY MOM IS HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!! Big ol' smiley face.

Hospital Blues

Snowy view from the hospital window

My mother was admitted into the hospital Monday morning.  She's suffering from a bad bout of Diverticulitis.  I spent a few minutes visiting with her today.  She wasn't a happy camper and was ready to return back to work.  I told her that the hospital was the best place for her to be until she was well. 
Tentatively she will be there until Friday or when she can eat a more solid diet and keep it down. 

All I can do is send out positive energy and meditate.  She managed to eat some jello I fed to her.  It was strange looking jello I might add that was amber colored and didn't wiggle like the other stuff.  She grimaced like a child told to eat their vegetables.  LOL.  It's almost comical how someone near 60 has baby moments.  But that's my mommy and she's my big ol' baby, which is why I love her so much.

I think I'm going to make my mom a homemade get well card.

Attack of the Stink Bugs

This is the second night a row that I have come across a stink bug in my room.  I thought these little buggers died during the winter season.  So of course I googled them.  Oh the all mighty google goddess. LOL. Anyway they don't die however, they will try to find a way in during the cold months.  Well these suckers are determined.  I live in an condo on the tenth floor.  They must have found a hole outside of my window to take refuge in.  On Thursday one flew on my neck. I was like what in the world as I swatted my neck and it fell in the floor.  The second one this evening was on my water sculpture. 

I can tell the cold has them sluggish because they don't put up a fight or try to fly off when I scoop them up on a sheet of paper.  I'm always afraid that they will emit the foul odor hence their pretty name.  So far no bad odor.  I would open up my window and let them out, however I would have to remove the screen.  So it's just easier to flush them down the toilet.  God bless their stinky souls.

Quiet Space

Had an awesome workout and the sauna was great.  I spent about 30 minutes in the sauna breathing and meditating.  The quietness helped bring a little more clarity as I'm trying to declutter my mind.